It is becoming more apparent as I get older and as I embark on a new creative journey, that it can take a very long time to come to terms with what has happened to a person to make them the way they are. In fact, I think it is a never ending journey. I am thirty six. I certainly don’t have it all figured out and it’s beginning to dawn on me, only now, that the people I looked up to as a child didn’t have it all figured out either.
I left home at seventeen and I have always told anyone that asked, that my childhood home life was far from ideal. I also had a bumpy ride in my formative romantic relationships. For the most part, I have striven to be happy and I have always believed, on some level, that I deserved to be treated with love and respect – that everyone deserves the same. I have been very proud of myself with regard to how I got over abuse and neglect and moved on. However, in trying to grow as a person, trying to be the best person I can be, I have come to discover my faults. I analyse past behaviors and current reactions and sometimes I am shocked to see that I am not healed. I can overhear a conversation, read a sentence in a book or just wake up on any given morning, after a vivid dream and realize something else about myself. It can be very startling.
I don’t think internal, psychological wounds ever fully heal. They are part of us. We are forever influenced and informed by our experiences. I don’t want to be in pain, nor do I wish pain on anyone else, but I do firmly believe that adversity makes us more appreciative of the good things life has to offer. And surely we cannot fully feel joy without knowing unhappiness .
This sequence of images is from one evening on Silver Lake, the harbor for Ocracoke Island NC. Sun rays filtered prettily through huge clouds. The clouds grew darker and a storm front rolled through. A short shower ensued but the sky was still well supplied with clouds turning pink as the sun descended to the horizon.
While it is true that I live in a beautiful place with beautiful weather a lot of the time, it is also true that clear blue skies can be a bit boring. When it comes to photography, big puffy clouds will make always make your image more dynamic. Add to that some sun rays, enhanced with a polarizing filter (the most inexpensive and essential piece of equipment a photographer can own) and a pocket full of breadcrumbs for the gulls and you might just end up with something special.
I took a lot of photographs on Saturday evening, right before a storm rolled in. The sky was breathtaking. The rain was stopped right before sunset and the sky was gorgeous again. More images to follow.
The reason for this tiny, dense journal’s tatty appearance has less to do with it being well used and more to do with it’s age…I have had this little gem for about ten years and I have only just started using it. I have been a hoarder of sketch books and art materials for many years. I have been intimidated by the blank page for far too long.
Lets take a look at what’s inside…
pencil – kitties move a lot ! mine always knows when I am drawing her.
The dino is inspired by ‘ The Good Dinosaur’ and is mixed media.
This pencil drawing is my sweet, sleeping child, who moves as much as the cat !
I love shooting portraits.
These are my favorite images from a recent portrait shoot with talented musicians, Marcy Brenner and Lou Castro. Together, they form the musical duo ‘Coyote’ . They have been playing together for a long time and they have just embarked on a new chapter in their lives with Coyote Music Den right here on lovely Ocracoke Island. Lou offers music lessons and they both host a free and open musical Jam session, weekly. They also play as part of ‘Martin and Friends’ – the schedule can be found on their pages (linked above).
I have been a photographer for eighteen years but I have always been an artist. I set out to be a painter but self doubt and curiosity led me to an Olympus camera and I stopped drawing and painting. I earned my degree in photography.
Over the years, I have felt like something was missing and I have dabbled with various crafts. I have always had a need to use my hands to physically “make”. I have always felt a failure for not continuing to draw and paint.
Now, however, through the joy of teaching my young son about art, I have rediscovered the missing ingredient. At some point, I stopped drawing because it was fun. I drew only to try and make a masterpiece and I constantly fell short. If there is no fun, there is no point. My child has helped me to rediscover the fun and I am now drawing regularly again. It’s ok to fail. You cannot get better without making mistakes, or as Jake the dog (from ‘Adventure Time’) states : “Dude, suckin’ at something is the first step to being sorta good at something”.
Here is one of my most recent photographs –
My beautiful friend, Brooke German. This and my body of work for the last ten years can be found here – flickr and I am also on Facebook .
Here is a recent excerpt from my sketchbook –