Dots

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I am hardly a child, I know, but there is something about this self portrait that reminds me of the Childlike Empress from ‘The Neverending Story’.

I am less happy with myself, since I have started gaining weight. Part of that , I am sure, comes from the societal pressure to be skinny that many women feel. But, mostly, I think it’s because I have been thin for most of my life and I don’t feel right with the extra weight. I don’t have anything particularly insightful to say on this subject. It’s one of those common complaints. I take less pictures of myself these days because of how I feel about my body.

I still enjoy taking black and white pictures of my face. I have taken countless pictures of my face and it always looks different to me. I feel like I am having a conversation with myself when I look at the image above. I am looking for answers to questions. What is most important ? How am I going to fit everything in ? Can I really become as good at drawing and painting as I want to be ? Can I continue to improve my photography ? Why am I the way I am  – that all I desire is to be accomplished as a visual artist ?

Of course, I’m over simplifying my desires here.

And, now that I have gone and given the image a little (whiny) context, it’s less open to interpretation. For this reason, I do not usually title my photographs. What if I had’t said anything ? Could my self portrait be a still from film noir, or an indie Sci Fi film ? It’s possible.

Here are a few of my favorite black and white selfies from the last 15 years –

and more here. I will probably be doing this for the rest of my days.

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