Internal Scarring

It is becoming more apparent as I get older and as I embark on a new creative journey, that it can take a very long time to come to terms with what has happened to a person to make them the way they are. In fact, I think it is a never ending journey. I am thirty six. I certainly don’t have it all figured out and it’s beginning to dawn on me, only now, that the people I looked up to as a child didn’t have it all figured out either.

I left home at seventeen and I have always told anyone that asked, that my childhood home life was far from ideal. I also had a bumpy ride in my formative romantic relationships. For the most part, I have striven to be happy and I have always believed, on some level, that I deserved to be treated with love and respect – that everyone deserves the same. I have been very proud of myself with regard to how I got over abuse and neglect and moved on. However, in trying to grow as a person, trying to be the best person I can be, I have come to discover my faults. I analyse past behaviors and current reactions and sometimes I am shocked to see that I am not healed. I can overhear a conversation, read a sentence in a book or just wake up on any given morning, after a vivid dream and realize something else about myself.  It can be very startling.

I don’t think internal, psychological wounds ever fully heal. They are part of us. We are forever influenced and informed by our experiences. I don’t want to be in pain, nor do I wish pain on anyone else, but I do firmly believe that adversity makes us more appreciative of the good things life has to offer. And surely we cannot fully feel joy without knowing unhappiness .

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2 thoughts on “Internal Scarring

  1. well the process of healing and growing probably can take decades or a whole lifetime. You learn coping skills and search for things that work, learn what clearly does not work. If you come from a toxic or dysfunctional family, you have to unlearn bad example and erase the negative programming in your mind. If you can find a loving soul/partner, they can help fill in the empty spaces of seeming vacuum. I’ve read many books on the subject and recommend ‘Loving Relationships By Sondra Ray.’ You may find that of help. Still you must learn to love yourself, be gentle with yourself, and realize we are all works in progress. I found meditation was a major key to many things including healing. Your aura is good and you are a beautiful soul. Keep trying and know good things will come your way…

    Liked by 1 person

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